For Better and Worse - Margot Hunt

I'm not sure why people still think they can plan and complete the perfect murder. Listen, I realize the murder clearance rate in our country hovers just under 60%. Wait, that's pretty bad (that's actually really bad, but is a story for another book). But usually, the people who are committing and getting away with murder are somehow involved in the criminal enterprise. But this whole, let's commit the perfect murder thing goes all the way back to Leopold and Loeb and look where it got them.

You know who doesn't get away with murder? White collar suburban intellectuals who think they can PLAN the perfect murder. Because if you don't have the background to either not care about getting caught, or live in an environment where people who could help you get caught don't care about communicating their knowledge to authorities, you're likely going to get caught.

So this is one reason why I had very little doubt that Natalie Clark, a criminal defense attorney, was going to get caught. She thought she was smarter than everyone else, and as I saw her plan out the various aspects of "the perfect murder" she casually looked over all the loose ends she was leaving and believed no one would weaver them together.

The broader aspects of what could drive a suburban mother committed to defending those accused of misdeeds to take another person's life are lost in the shuffle of the plot here and the book would have been better served to delve into these aspects a bit. Otherwise it reads like a thriller which is quick on page turning, but left me feeling like I'd consumed a lot of empty book calories.

I initially didn't like the way this one ended because (so what this lady is just like a serial killer now?) but then I got over myself and allowed myself to just enjoy the ridiculousness of this final note.

3/5 Stars. 

The Flame Bearer - Bernard Cornwell

Cornwell continues to deliver with this series. Somehow Uhtred keeps surviving and each story feels fresh despite this being the 10th in the series so far. In The Flame Bearer, we get a very Uhtred-centric story. For most of the previous books, Uhtred is caught up in political and literal battles beyond his control and he's serving on behalf of one king or another. But in this one, Uhtred is working for himself. He's finally, finally going to take back Bebbanburg.

But of course there is a little wrinkle. Uhtred has continued to make enemies. His championing of Edwards first son Aethelstan has rankled the Ealdorman Aethelham the grandfather of the other possible heir to the throne. Uhtred is unfailingly loyal to those people who have earned his regard and Aethelstan is one of them. So when Aethelham sees an opportunity to cut the knees out from under Uhtred, he goes for it.

I, like Finan, was not quite sure how Uhtred was going to get himself out of this one. He decided to take on a larger enemy in an impenetrable fortress. Classic Uhtred. When will this man ever lose his swagger? Hopefully never. But I'm very interested to see what is going to happen in the next book. Because as everyone knows, North Umbria did NOT remain an independent kingdom. So I'm certain that clash is coming. How will Uhtred thread that future needle?

3.5 Stars

The Friend Zone - Abby Jimenez

It took me about two days to read this book, mostly because I stayed up until 2 a.m. one night (this was not a smart decision but I have no regrets). But one thing The Friend Zone does really well is pacing. The book moves very fast and each chapter leaves the reader wanting to follow the action.

I feel like I'm the last person on Bookstagram to read this one, so perhaps a synopsis is not needed, but essentially Kristen is a woman struggling with uterine fibroids when she meets the best man for her friend's future wedding, Josh. He's a hot fireman who's relocated to California after a bad break up with a woman who did not want children.

Their chemistry is undeniable after a small fender bender meet cute. As their feelings for each other grow, Kristen remains resolute to confine Josh to the Friend Zone. She's aware he wants a large family, and he's not aware she can't have children. So as she continues to push him away, he's very confused. As with any good love struggle, I kept thinking if they just had an honest conversation things would resolve themselves.

Jimenez deals well in this debut novel with making the characters more than just an empty collection of attributes, although I wasn't sure this was going to be the case after hearing Josh refer to Kristen as "a unicorn" and "the cool girl." These types of descriptions kind of make my eyes roll because it sets up unrealistic standards for women. Necessarily, Kristen is "cool" because "she's not like other women." And it's not just enough that she's "cool" because she is also very very attractive apparently without trying. But then Josh is kind of slapped with a hot fireman label as well. And really the characters are likeable because they don't necessarily stick to those roles so the repeated call back to those tropes is unnecessary. Their dialogue is hilarious and again their chemistry is undeniable so I stuck with them when normally, this would have been a no-go.

Jimenez does a wonderful job of building the will-they, won't-they suspense in the book and takes the story out of traditional rom-com with a side story about Kristen and Josh's best friends Sloan and Brandon that well, that sets up the author's next book. As much as I enjoyed this book as sort of a guilty pleasure read, there are some things that keep it from getting four stars. For a first novel it shows a lot of promise and I think Jimenez has a strong career ahead of her as she learns to shed even more of the tropes that detracted from the strong writing in this book.

3/5 Stars. 

Open, Honest, and Direct: A Guide to Unlocking Your Team's Potential - Aaron Levy

I like a good book on communications so I was pleased to receive this from a Goodreads giveaway. While this book's main focus was on inculcating open, honest and direct communication within a group from the leader's perspective, I always find that as a team member, I can also gain insights from this kind of text.

I read this on two legs of a cross-country, multi-state work trip, and I really took to heart the chapter on effective listening. We're all aware of the edict that we work on active listening. But despite knowing this, Open, Honest, and Direct gave me a very explicit instruction to listen to what my inner dialogue was doing when I was supposed to be listening. Sorry friends and co-workers, I have not done a good job. My inner dialogue runs from trying to race ahead the speaker to the point, to trying to figure out what I am going to have for dinner.

This book's real strength lies not in its content as much as it's design. See, Aaron Levy openly talks about what a waste multi-day seminars are that teach teach teach without any application. So Levy lays out the principles, then discusses how to put those into practice, but then MOST importantly, talks about the reflection that is needed for continuous improvement of these principles in action. This is where most leaders fail. I've encountered so many managers who know all the right buzz words to describe how a working environment should function, but they are terrible at actually practicing the principles they espouse.

3.5/5 Stars. 

The Slow Regard of Silent Things - Patrick Rothfuss

I was initially stoked when I realized Rothfuss had written an Auri-centered novella. I ordered The Slow Regard of Silent Things and when it arrived I peeked at the Goodreads reviews and then I got nervous. Some of the reviews are terrible. Rothfuss' preface even notes that people will not even like this book. But me? What can I say, I like it weird.

One of my favorite works is Tom Stoppard's Rosencrantz and Giildenstern are Dead - an absurdist tale of what happens to two minor characters when they're not the focus of action in the major work. And I have been so curious about what happens to Auri when she's not on the rooftop with Kvothe in the Name of the Wind series. Well, now I know. She's very busy keeping the Underthing in Order.

Auri is a tragic character, terribly broken by experience and hardship, but she's also resourceful and while she seems scared and timid, she is actually playing by a rigid set of rules that only she understands. And in her world, in her mind, those rules are what keep the universe in order. It's a tall ask for a small person.

The language of the novella can be maddeningly confusing. I'm sure Rothfuss had an elaborate map or reference guide to keep it all straight. To write in Auri's voice for so long must have been a painstaking process. I'm glad he took the time, because no one sees Kvothe as Auri does and it's interesting to see the why behind how she behaves.

4/5 Stars. 

Committed - Elizabeth Gilbert

I must be the one person who has not read Eat, Pray, Love, but I follow Elizabeth Gilbert on social media and I have found her thoughtful and compassionate. And I really felt her pain when her partner Rayya passed away last year. So when I received Committed I was first confused about the topic of the book being her hesitancy to marry her second husband and her doubts about the institution of marriage.

I have to say, knowing that the marriage she was so hopeful for does not work out was a bit of a downer but Gilbert has such a great narrative voice that I couldn't help but get caught up in her story. And also, the background she provides about marriage and the ways it has evolved throughout history and cultures was very fascinating.

Each marriage is unique and Gilbert readily admits she is no expert. This is essentially a self reflection on whether she should enter an institution she does not trust and has believed herself to be bad at. The level of honesty with which she approaches her analysis shows a lot of maturity that I honestly don't think I could muster - or at least I would not be brave enough to put it out into the world.

I know a lot of people just don't relate to Liz Gilbert. But a memoir can't speak to everyone and she's not trying to be something she's not, which is painfully obvious in this book. While this wasn't my favorite book of 2019, I appreciate Gilbert's writing style and her honesty.

3/5 Stars.

Midnight in Chernobyl: The Untold Story of the World's Greatest Nuclear Disaster - Alex Higginbotham

I was five years old when the Chernobyl nuclear disaster occurred so let's just say that I didn't really follow the story at all. But throughout my childhood I was aware of the accident. Perhaps through follow up stories of the remaining radiation or the ghost town of Pripyat. In any case, I thought I knew what happened there. Nuclear reactor meltdown, radiation fall out. Some kind of heroics of fireman. End story.

I actually love finding out I'm insufficiently informed - woefully ignorant. It's such a joy to learn new things. But Midnight in Chernobyl tore my understanding down and showed that the reality of the disaster was so much worse than I could have imagined.

Do I now understand nuclear physics? Not even a little but. But this book does an excellent job of walking the reader through some painfully complex science so that when the explosion finally occurs around chapter 7, you are well and painfully aware of just how easily this accident happened and you're just as surprised it didn't happen earlier and all over the Soviet Union.

That this accident could only have happened how it happened, when it happened, and how it was responded to in the Soviet Union cannot be understated. From the attempts to protect reputation, to oversell quotas and timelines, to the blind adherence to authority over safety, this disaster snowballed out of control and then only through the essential sacrifice of bodies was it contained.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/moving_to_Chernobyl

The true extent of the loss and fall out will never be known (mostly because the government didn't want to have to tell anyone), but the human toll is overwhelming and obvious from the pages of this book. Every chapter brought some knew horror of response and loss. At times I just needed to take a break and walk away from the staggering details. I definitely want to read this again as I think there is just more to be gleaned from a second reading.

5/5 Stars.

#IMomSoHard - Kristin Hensley & Jen Smedley

I first learned of Kristin and Jen in my heady days of Facebook (I'm currently in recovery - two years clean). I ran across one of their, I Mom So Hard videos shortly after the birth of my second child and laughed in the kind of sleep deprived delirium only a new baby can give you.

Last year me and my two Tennessee besties got to see these moms live and it was also a hilarious night, despite the fact I had to leave a little early to get back to relieve my teenage babysitter on a weeknight when my husband was out of town for work travel (I can attest that I really really needed that night out).

I was very tickled when my friend's husband lucked into a copy of this book through a work connection and decided to snag it for my (and your) enjoyment. I read it on the plane to and from California on a work trip. I laughed out loud. I nodded along in agreement. And mostly, I thanked heaven for honest women who aren't afraid to tell it like it is - with a side of humor (women ARE funny, just accept it).

From their devotion to each other, to their no topics barred approach to motherhood, Kristin and Jen are relate-able and reliable. So here's to all the moms out there momming so hard. I see you and I appreciate you. And you should read this book because you deserve a laugh and a moment to yourself (even if it is in the pantry alone where your kids can't find you).

3.75/5 Stars. 

If Beale Street Could Talk - James Baldwin

There's a terrifying sense of stillness woven into the pages of If Beale Street Could Talk. There is no momentum even as the characters change in ways that defy the inertia of the overall plot. You want, you beg, the story to move forward. To find out if Tish is able to save Fonny from a script that every person in the story seems to have already read.

You see, nineteen year old Tish is trying desperately to save her fiance Fonny from the legal system. A system that allowed, well encouraged, a policeman to frame and arrest Fonny for a brutal rape of a woman he'd never met. Fonny's real crime was standing up to this policeman on another day, at another time, in a way that stripped the policeman of his power. And when it comes down to it, the policeman remains intent on righting this "wrong" and showing Fonny who really has the power.

So a newly pregnant Tish must grapple with the hefty price, both emotionally and in cash money, of trying to free Fonny from the system. The gross injustice of his plight makes it no cheaper. The chance for a "speedy trial" ingrained in our constitution is not enough. The efforts of Tish's entire family are not enough. The fact that Tish's mother is willing to travel to Puerto Rico to visit the victim (a victim in many ways - including being used as a pawn against Fonny) isn't enough.

The ripple of injustice courses up and down the generations of both Tish and Fonny's families as we wait and wait and wait for anything to change the circumstances. We wait as Fonny waits, as time warps and seems to lose it's meaning.

Because the lack of pacing in the book, the utter stagnation, is the thing that makes this a very uncomfortable read but also is the essence of the book itself.

4/5 Stars.

Catch and Kill: Lies, Spies, and a Conspiracy to Protect Predators - Ronan Farrow

If I didn't know Ronan Farrow was a real person I would swear this was a work of brilliant fiction. That Catch and Kill involves real people and the lengths to which slime balls go to protect their reputation and their brotherhood of slime balls is shocking, disheartening, maddening, and disgusting.

Apparently the fact that Harvey Weinstein was a misogynistic, predatory a-hole was a well known "secret" in Hollywood (that's code for if someone makes enough money they can really get away with anything). Typically he would walk over women, assault women, be pushy with women, and anyone who got sideways of his endeavors found themselves without movie scripts, production offers, etc. But because he held the purse strings, employed people, promoted people, created stars, people looked the other way. People who couldn't were shown the exit door and asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement. This isn't right. It's certainly not justice.

So when Ronan started following a lead that became a story that became an avalanche, an entire system was put into motion to try to stop the reporting. Men whose conscience balked under the weight of similar allegations, organizations worried about their own internal practices around predators. This led to international security firms following Ronan to out his sources (sorry Jonathan that you were too boring to follow, it's adorable).

I deeply appreciated the vulnerability and empathy Ronan showed throughout and that he didn't shy away how the reporting affected him as a person. He focused on sources and facts to remain objective but also let himself feel the way he felt when the facts and evidence laid bare the truth. Our country is better for this kind of reporting, and for Harvey Weinstein and the men (and women) who believed their power, prestige, and money would allow them to get away with this heinous behavior to be held accountable.

Also, I would read any book that has a cameo by Pundit. 

5/5 Stars. 

A Quiet Flame - Philip Kerr

There's a very thick thematic feeling that drapes itself over these Bernie Gunther novels and A Quiet Flame is no exception. When we last left Bernie Gunther, he was boarding a boat for Argentina in the un-esteemed company of Adolf Eichmann. Having eluded summary execution by an Israeli hit squad, Gunther is happy to be alive, even if he is using a borrowed name and identity.

Upon arrival in Argentina, his alter-ego's status as a former doctor gets him hauled before Juan Peron himself. In giving up his true identity to save himself from medical entanglement, Bernie finds himself recruited in another direction. It appears a teenage girl has been kidnapped and Bernie has both the detective skills and former-SS pedigree to find her.

Having been hired by the Argentinian secret police, Bernie sets about interviewing his old comrades in an attempt to find someone capable of kidnapping and murdering a teenager. This leads him to finally solve a similar case he worked on in 1932, before Hitler became Chancellor and the country well and truly started on a path to annihilation. In the meantime, an Jewish-Argentinian bombshell asks for help finding some missing Jewish relatives who were rounded up after entering the country illegally.

With acerbic wit and dark humor, Bernie ping pongs his way through one hypocritical situation to the next. No one is unscathed, even himself and he comes to terms with the enormity of the German collective crime, and his part in it.

Having very little historical knowledge of this time in Argentina (I haven't even watched the Evita movie) I found the plot here terribly fascinating. Excuse me while I go scour the bowels of Wikipedia until my curiosity is satiated. And really, bowels is an appropriate word when it comes to the figures involved in these stories.

4/5 Stars

An American Marriage - Tayari Jones

A few things about me. I'm a Libra. I like balance. I like when everyone gets along. I want people in love to stay in love. I want people who fall out of love to consciously uncouple. I like to pick sides. I like when the side I pick is right and honest and fair. I like to root for someone. I want the person I root for to be worthy or principled. So in comes this book and it made me deeply uncomfortable because I couldn't fall into the patterns I like.

Roy and Celestial are married. They had a rocky romance and have had a rocky first year of marriage. On their anniversary, they visit a local hotel where Roy's mother worked when she was pregnant with Roy. He intends to tell Celestial that his father, Big Roy, is his father in love and name, but not in blood. And Celestial, who is feeling out of place with Roy's intense mother, is not having it. So they get in a fight. And then they make up. But when another guest at the hotel is raped, Roy is blamed and gets sentenced to jail.

The next few chapters are told through letters back and forth between Celestial and Roy, in which we see their marriage start to break down under the strain of their circumstance. By the time Roy's mother dies, Celestial is certain she doesn't want to be an inmate's wife anymore, and her childhood friend, Andre, becomes more than a friend. When Celestial tells Roy she can no longer be his wife, Roy gives her the cold shoulder.

Two years later, Celestial's wealthy parents have continued to fund Roy's appeals which are successful and Roy is released from prison. Having not spoken to Celestial in two years, he doesn't know where their marriage stands. Boo Celestial, she's left him behind and moved on with the next warm man, not staying true to her husband even though he encouraged and inspired the work that has made her so successful. I'm team Roy all the way at this point. Until.... dammit Roy, he gets released and spends two days in the bed of a local woman. THEN he goes to his wife.

And while he's driving to Celestial, we learn that he wasn't faithful to her during their first year of marriage. Well NOW I'm team Celestial because Roy is a dog. And Andre... well I see him as a usurper, until he asks, "Don't I deserve to be happy?" You know, people asking honest questions is hard to fight. So now we have a very messy triangle, which is not a triangle at all but a circle of Celestial and Andre with Roy on the outside. I do feel bad for Roy. His entire life has been thrown off track and messed up. And for what?

Ultimately the book asks big questions about how we move on and make something of our circumstances, as unfair as they are, and what we do with the expectations of the older generations. There is enough unfairness to go around in this book that everyone gets sprinkled. I thought it was well written and I listened to the audio and I really enjoyed the narrators.

4/5 Stars. 

Black and Blue - Anna Quindlen

October is apparently Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I was unaware, but I'm glad I did read this book and the light it shines on issues of domestic violence. I think Anna Quindlen used a soft hand in presenting Fran Benedetto and the issue of domestic violence in that she never appears to judge Fran or her reasons for staying. She details Fran's decision to stay with her abusive husband in numerous ways letting the conclusions fall where they may. And it presents a pretty bleak picture of the options for women in that situation.

When I was younger and thought myself much smarter, I would have been one to ask why a woman would stay with an abusive husband. Now that I'm older and have children of my own, I can see what would leave a woman feeling she had no options. And I appreciate Quindlen's slow evolution of those facts over the life of the novel.

Once Fran and her son, Robert are safely aware from Bobby and living in Florida under assumed names, the narrative started to drag a little but there was always a sinister undercurrent of when would Bobby catch up with them, because I never had any doubt this would occur. But what made the novel fall a little flat for me was the ending and how it seemed to all happen due to some decisions made by Fran which she felt were empowering, but really led to placing herself and her son in danger. Would Bobby ever hurt Robert - no I don't think so. But would Bobby's influence over Robert be equally destructive? Yes.

Additionally, I know I'm not supposed to feel sympathy for the abuser, and I do not, but he's painted as a clear psychopath in the book despite a supposed evolution into violence over time.

A chilling read that really delves into the nuances of domestic violence and its aftermath, Black and Blue was a well written, if somewhat flat story.

3/5 Stars. 

Warriors of the Storm - Bernard Cornwell

I remain constantly entertained by Uhtred and his references to goats droppings, turds and all things Danish insults. By now I've figured out Cornwell's formula for these books:
1) Uhtred is involved in a minor skirmish
2) Based on the skirmish he perceives a greater threat to Wessex/Mercia than the West Saxons/Mercians
3) He argues his point to the West Saxon/Mercian leaders who are too influenced by priests insisting they "Pray the Danes Away" that Uhtred goes a little rogue
4) Talk talk talk, strategy strategy strategy
5) Big battle, lots of insults, references to shield walls etc
6) Victory and begrudging respect from those in #3
7) Hint of big bad guy for next book

And listen, I'm reading the ninth (ninth!!!) book in this series because the formula works. It's comforting, and, even at 50, Uhtred is a babe (in my mind - he likely has no teeth and is scarred from acquiring syphilis). But I digress.

In Warriors of the Storm, Mercia has a new threat from the Norse, who, finding the Celts inhospitable in Ireland, have decided to try their hand at Mercia. Why should they succeed where others have failed? Well, they can't because we know who was king after Edward and that would seriously mess with history. So in the meantime, Uhtred has to save everyone, and he's the best at it.

I always like when people underestimate Uhtred. That Aethelflaed does it here was a nice change as she's always been mostly on his side (when she's not in his bed - get it girl!). Anyway, Uhtred wins and the bad guy in vanquished, and there is some smart state craft done by the guy everyone assumes is only as good as his sword arm. 

4/5 Stars. 

The Wise Man's Fear - Patrick Rothfuss

This book took me just over a month to read. Logistically, big books that aren't on a Kindle are hard to lug around sometimes. I made a lot of things in my purse become non-essential just to fit this 1,000 page behemoth into my bag. But alas, it was worth it.

I've really enjoyed the first two Kingkiller Chronicle's so far. Based on the blurb on the first book about Kvothe I know there is a lot more story to tell. I'm thankful that The Wise Man's Fear helped push the story along. I thought it dragged a bit at the beginning and I was worried I was about to spend another 1,000 pages of Kvothe's time at the University and his somewhat petty squabble with Ambrose. But thankfully, Kvothe decided to take a well earned sabbatical from the University to attempt to engage a patron.

He ends up stepping in it quite a bit, which is his usual, but we learn a little more about the Chandrian or The Seven as their called in Ademre, a taciturn warrior community of people who are known for their sword craft and mercenary skill. He also takes us to Severen where he falls into the service of the Maer, a rich noble with little restraint on his power. And, of course, we get to me Felurian, who's beauty has bewitched men unto death. But not Kvothe of course. It's always interesting to see how he will get out of things, but he always does, because he's very good at very many things. Which, can kind of get old sometimes, but then he usually makes a mistake and you realize he is very young and very foolish, despite his abilities.

I fear Rothfuss may be falling into the trap of being in love with his world to the extent that the books grow to an ungainly size and need to be split up and then the writing takes forever. But just as I know I'll wait as long as it takes to read Winds of Winter, I'm all in on the third book in this series. Whenever it gets around to being published.

4/5 Stars. 

Beautiful on the Outside - Adam Rippon

Adam Rippon is a national treasure who must be protected and celebrated.

Lighthearted, witty and exceedingly fun, in Beautiful on the Outside, Rippon uses his trademark humor to tell the story of his introduction to skating and the trials and sacrifices made by his family to turn him into an Olympic medalist.

In the book he answers some questions, such as why did I see his sweet mug EVERYWHERE during the Olympics (he didn't say no to any media requests) and what he tells his Tinder dates (advertising). In any case, Adam pushed himself hard and strove for success. Underneath all the cheekiness, he's actually a very driven athlete who just happens to have a killer smile. When he was broke and eating free gym apples, Adam made a choice to keep pursuing skating and became an elite athlete on his own terms. This included coming out as homosexual when he decided he was ready and it helped propel him to live authentically and as his best self for the Olympic Games.

I stayed up late last night watching his Dancing with the Stars Routines and he has such a beautiful grace in his movements. I'm glad he's saying yes to so many amazing opportunities because I love his sense of humor and the way he seems to never have met a stranger. If you've read the book, you'll understand how much I laughed during one DWTS exchange he had with the judges in which the guest judge asked him about this amazing red and black suit he wore for a number, and Adam quipped back that he took the suit from the Judge's dressing room before the show.

I'm so happy Hachette Books picked me to send this lovely book to.

4/5 Stars. 

A Woman is No Man - Etaf Rum

This book.

Cycles and cycles of cultural violence. Generational violence.

From Fareeda, to Isra, to Deya. What does it take to break a cycle? What does it mean to break a cycle?

And so many things are broken in this novel. Hearts and bodies and minds.

Etaf Rum absolutely slays in A Woman is No Man. She gives voice to the stifling and suffocating effect of generational and cultural expectations.

Told through varying points of view first from Isra, then her daughter Deya and finally from Deya's paternal grandmother Fareeda, we see how an original violence experienced by Fareeda, expelled from her home and homeland in Palestine, learns to live under the harshest of conditions. Tragedy leads her to dig into the cultural belief that daughters are a burden and sons are to be celebrated.

In devaluing the worth of daughters and women, Fareeda sets the conditions for her son Adam to be brutally cruel to his new wife, Isra. When Isra and Adam are dead, Deya must grow up under Fareeda's rule, constantly being reminded that as a girl, she has little worth.

This book is about Deya finding her voice and reclaiming her worth. The cost is heavy to break the cycle of violence in her family. But if not Deya, then who? Deya's struggle comes from someone within the culture (not from a whiteness-centered point of view), straining against the restraints of expectation. Underneath is an abiding love which causes her to consider all the ramifications of seeking her own path.

A Woman is No Man leaves a lot of questions unanswered - gives characters grace they may not deserve, but is up to the reader to decide to what extent it is given. It is perfectly drawn and perfectly imprecise. A real heartbreaker of a book.

4/5 Stars.

Sometimes I Lie - Alice Feeney

Some parts of Sometimes I Lie I really enjoyed, and other parts fell very flat for me. It's a good sign that I was relatively certain through the first quarter of the book that Amber had multiple personality disorder or schizophrenia, but alas, Claire turned out to be a real person. (I was right about Jo though).

Anyway, this thing turns a bit at different spots and I don't want to say too much except to say that reading from the perspective of someone in a coma felt a bit contrived, but necessary for the structure that was set up and this was the element I liked least of all.

I'm fine with untrustworthy narrators, and as those things go, Amber was very very untrustworthy. But that makes the reading fun, but also sometimes confusing. It took a while to figure out who was doing what and why. I was even pretty pleased with Madeline Frost's comeuppance until it got real dark.

People who are really into these "psychological thrillers" will probably enjoy this book more than I did. But it was entertaining and kept me guessing quite a bit, even if the end didn't really make sense and mucked things up.

3.5/5 Stars. 

The Lying Game - Ruth Ware

There are five rules in the Lying Game:

1: Tell a Lie - looks like there is a big lie lurking at the center of this book. Like every Ware novel, this secret is teased out over the course of backflashes as we learn how the four main characters, Isa, Thea, Kate and Fatima get to know each other at an English boarding school in the town of Salten where they make up this silly game which makes everyone hate them.

2: Stick to Your Story - they're pretty good at this one since it's 17 years later and only a dog and the unstoppable reach of water has uncovered the secret they thought they buried in the marsh.

3: Don't Get Caught - Pretty clear someone is going to get caught here so when Kate sends a text simply saying "I need You", the other three drop everything to be at their side. Their cover story of attending a reunion at a school that Fatima and Isa attended for less than a year and never graduated from is just weird, but I chalked this up to never having attended boarding school myself.

4: Never Lie to Each Other - whoops, well what do you expect for rules set down by 15 year olds who haven't spoken to each other in years but somehow remain the best of friends. This rule gets broken a lot, and mostly within the first few chapters.

5: Know When to Stop Lying - this rule had me yelling at my dashboard listening to the audio. A lot of things could have been cleared up if the characters had stopped lying to each other (see Rule 4), partway through the book.

Other points:
- Ware knows how to draw up a spooky scene. Kate is still living in the ramshackle tide mill her father owned during their school years. It's falling apart and slowly sinking into the sea. But Kate, who has become an artist like her father, has refused to leave and has lived a life near the poverty line as a result.

ruthware.com Setting for the Lying Game

- The men in this book take a backseat to the female characters, but they are the biggest proponents of plot. Kate's father Ambrose draws pictures of the girls. Kate's brother Luc is the subject of Isa's teenage crush and when he shows up partway through the book, yells at Isa, who is holding a baby and seems sinister until, poof, off goes his shirt and all is forgiven. (Yeah I REALLY didn't understand what was happening here). And then there is Owen, Isa's partner who seems like a pretty decent guy, until Isa starts yelling at him and lying to him about... whatever, it's not important and she easily could have smoothed things over with him at any point in the book.
- All this baby does is breastfeed and nap. And Isa is obsessed with the baby until, whoops, (view spoiler)
- And (view spoiler)

So this book ended up a little uneven for me. But it was MUCH better than Woman in Cabin 10. Isa is a stronger character and is a good narrator even if she is a little slow-witted sometimes. And the big reveal of the secret is perplexing because the choices were sort of idiotic. But not a bad read and I liked the narration by Imogene Church.

3/5 Stars. 

Before We Were Yours - Lisa Wingate

This was a tough book to get through. I really dislike reading about cruelty to children. And I really dislike real people who are cruel to children. And so here's this book. It made me feel so many things. 

Before We Were Yours starts off in a Baltimore hospital where a Congressman's daughter has just suffered a stillborn birth but doesn't know it yet. Her desperate family want to fix it. Someone makes a call to Memphis. 

In present day, Avery Stafford is altering her life as a prosecutor to come back to South Carolina and hit the campaign trail with her ailing Senator father whose staff is looking for an heir apparent to his Senate seat. Avery is uncomfortable with the whole thing. Hers is a high stakes family, run mostly by her aggressive mother, Honeybee. In the background is a grandmother who's dementia has led to a nursing home placement. On a visit to a different nursing home, Avery meets May Crandall, who mistakes Avery for someone else. See, there's this blond curly hair thing that seems to be passed down from Grandma Judy.

So we whip back to the past, to a stormy night on the Mississippi river, when Queenie, aboard her shantyboat home, the Arcadia, is having a terrible time birthing twins. When all hope is lost and Briny must take Queenie to the hospital, the other five children, Rill, Camellia, Lark, Fern and Gabion, are left on the boat with a family friend to await their parent's return. 

Unfortunately, this is 1939 in Memphis and there is a real life demon, Georgia Tann, walking around, snatching children from poor families and selling them to rich ones to make herself wealthy. She snatches up the children and places into a boarding home for the Tennessee Children's Home Society. And there, well there is where all the bad things happen and I really just don't like thinking about it so you'll have to take my word for it that it's very very bad. 

What all this has to do with Avery and Grandma Judy you can probably guess but it all unravels over time. As Avery learns the truth about Grandma Judy, she discovers some things about herself as well. And while there are some sweet moments in the book, they are mostly bittersweet because although this is a work of fiction, it's based on real stories of things that happened to real children under the charge of Georgia Tann. That Georgia Tann got to grow old and die of cancer is monumentally unfair. That my Tennessee government had a chance to make life better for these children, but failed is also unfair. 

So go out, help a child, volunteer your time and talent to organizations that make life better for orphans and kids in foster care. And also, if you like crying, you can read this book.

4.5/5 Stars. 

Ploughshares Summer 2019 - Edited by Viet Thanh Nguyen

I've been reading Ploughshares for so many years now and it continues to delight and inspire me. This edition was no different. All the guest editors bring their own tastes and ideas to the table and in this collection Viet Thanh Nguyen stated she was looking for voices that may not otherwise have a chance to be heard. 

In this edition, we get a fine collection of poetry from James Hannaham. His poems range from non-fiction to fantasy and everything in between. They are thoughtful and enjoyable. 

I really enjoyed Doorway to Darnkess by Kenneth Calhoun, which explored the themes of cowardice in a teacher by introducing a magical element amidst images of escape. 

The non-fiction story Prison in the Age of Euphemisms by Alex Chertok gives a stark look at the differences between pampered high school students and their counterparts in the prison system who certainly have a different outlook on the world in which we live. 

The always brilliant Roxane Gay's Immediate Family gives portraits of two generations of Haitian immigrants and the cruelties time and choices play on people between generations.

Yaron Kaver's I Only Had Eyes for You was a sad but hilarious look at one man's process of divorce and losing his wife and then his friend in quick succession. When he makes a quick decision to lie about something, the lie snowballs in unpredictable ways. 

Butterfly at Rest by Scott Nadelson tells the story of an artist/actor/comedian Henry who is dealing with the aftermath of being blacklisted in the McCarthy era. It's a stark look at the way the Committee on Un-American Activities ruined lives and reputations. 

Lynne Sharon Schwartz' Am I a Thief? was hilarious. It's about a woman who steps into the literal shoes of someone else at a movie theater and finds them so comfortable she walks off in them leaving her own shoes behind. 

I also really loved Rob Magnuson Smith's Glacier that deals so well with loss and the distance it creates between relationships. 

Solid solid writing and curating of these stories.

4/5 Stars. 

I'll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman's Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer - Michelle McNamara

Two nights ago, I woke up out of breath, my heart racing, trying and failing to catch the tail end of whatever dream I was just having. I looked out my bedroom door to the top of the stairs and realized I had just seen someone standing there with a flashlight. This is the kind of thing I'll Be Gone in the Dark does to you. It makes you see things that aren't there. It makes you live, again and again, the terror of almost 100 victims of the Golden State Killer. 

Michelle McNamara's exhaustive research is evident on every page. That the book was published after her death is also evident, for while the chapters themselves flow flawlessly thanks to her unique prose and steady cadence, the way the chapters are laid out feels a bit out of sync with the rest of the book.

For ten years, Joseph DeAngelo stalked victims up and down the Golden State - raping more than 50 women and killing almost a dozen. Now that he's been caught, you get a sense of just how onto him Michelle really was. No one would have been more delighted by his capture than her, except of course this terrible person's many victims and their families. I also think Michelle would have done an amazing job piecing together DeAngelo's travels and motivations. I'm sad we won't get to read that book. And I'm sad to think Michelle is likely DeAngelo's last victim, having worked herself into a constant state of anxiety and exhaustion over the research and writing of this book, would she have been led to take the deadly combination of prescription drugs that, together with an unknown heart condition, led to her death? 

I'm glad her friends and family worked to get Michelle's book published. Some people wouldn't want their name forever connected to a serial killer, but somehow, I can see how this would have honored her memory.

4/5 Stars.