How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character - Paul Tough

It's telling that I'm struggling to write the review of this book I finished nine days ago, but I'm not sure what to say. It's good news that your IQ and "book smarts" aren't the only keys to success. In How Children Succeed, Paul Tough chronicles several programs aimed at assisting youth make it out of tough situations, and none of that is just tutoring. A lot of it is instilling certain character traits that will allow kids to rise above their situations and go on to live better lives. But the anecdotal presentation of the evidence left me feeling a little skeptical. 

We've been struggling with this a bit with our own kids. Our third grader continually says he's just "dumb at reading" after having a couple bad grades. But we're pushing him to have a growth mind set. The belief that hard work and determination can improve your situation. For anyone looking to work on this aspect I'd recommend the Big Life Journal.

It was interesting to read about the different programs being tried in Chicago. Obviously there is no easy answer to helping the kids in Chicago Public Schools succeed. Many programs have come and gone and graduation rates, teen pregnancy, and violence against and among students remain. But there are so many people trying to work on the problem. The number of shootings in Chicago may get the headlines, but the people working on the ground, in the neighborhoods never get any press. If it bleeds, it leads. Unfortunately.

So much of parenting is trying, and then failing like you're getting it right. So I was fairly surprised to read in How Children Succeed that I am, in fact, doing some things right. Trying to instill grit into my children will take a balancing act of trying to provide nurturing support, but also letting them fail, and reminding them that character counts along the way. 

3/5 Stars. 

The South Side: A Portrait of Chicago and American Segregation - Natalie Y. Moore

For eight years we lived in Chicago, I was an avid WBEZ listener. I am well acquainted with Natalie Moore's reporting. I appreciate that she unapologetically covered issues important to Chicago's South Side during her time as a reporter there.

I have to admit, at the time, I sometimes wondered why she so fervently spent time covering the South Side. Living on the North Side as we did for eight years, you can lose track of the vastness that is Chicago. The vibrancy of the neighborhoods. It really is a City of neighborhoods where each enclave exists unto itself. So places that have problems, like portions of the South and West sides, get ignored or put to the side. You can focus on Chicago as a whole and claim that its problems are confined to a few neighborhoods and leave it at that. I've done that.

What this book, The Southside, does, brilliantly, is tie all those things together. It talks about the genesis of the South Side, its decline, and the reasons for that. It also details the efforts of community organizers and citizens who rather than leave their troubled neighborhoods, commit to making it better. For everyone. No one is going in to save the South Side. Should it get more help and resources? Absolutely. Will it? History says no. So the people have determined they must work for themselves.

Moore discusses health, housing, violence, and education issues all affecting the South Side. It really was an illuminating look at something I hadn't devoted enough time to as a citizen of the city (full disclosure - we lived in Evanston, just over the city line, but I worked and went to school in the city). This is a great read for anyone who wants to learn more about what really goes on in Chicago. It challenges a lot of assumptions and laziness on the part of pundits who like to say things about Chicago without any context from the people living and working in the City. 

4/5 Stars. 

The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace: A Brilliant Young Man Who Left Newark for the Ivy League - Jeff Hobbs

I was really moved by the life story of Robert Peace. Written by Rob's Yale college roommate, Jeff Hobbs, The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace does the rare job of showing the 360 degree humanity of Rob. I was so struck by the messy and complicated essence of being fully human that Hobbs manages to capture in this story. Hobbs is clear upfront that he was not one of Rob's closest friends but had been touched by his friendship with Rob and by Rob's death. The book seems like a search for answers by Hobbs to how his friend could have lived a life of such promise only to be killed in such violence. 

Peace grew up just outside of Newark, NJ, the son of a single mother who, though she kept in contact with Peace's father, wished to maintain a distance between the world in which she raised her gifted child, and the drug selling lifestyle led by his father. When Rob was seven, his father was arrested for the double homicide of two women living in the same apartment complex. Skeet's trial was unfairly delayed and badly prosecuted, but the murder weapon having been found on him sealed his fate and he was sentenced to life in prison. Rob's mother Jackie took Rob monthly to see his father and as he got older, Rob maintained the visits on his own, often giving his time and talent in assisting his father in possible appeals.

Rob pushed himself hard, for his father, in assisting with his legal actions, for his mother in excelling at school and later at water polo at his private college preparatory school. Rob managed all this, eventually earning the school's highest honor. His introduction and then speech at a senior banquet caught the eye of a wealthy alumna who offered to pay for Rob's college education. 

While not his first choice a series of unlucky breaks led Rob to miss an application deadline for his preferred college led Rob to matriculate at Yale where he met the author. Rob balanced a course load in molecular biology, a spot on the water polo team, and eventually, a side hustle of selling marijuana to the mostly white co-eds at school. 

Following graduation, Rob was intent on two things: travelling to Brazil and returning home to live among his friends and family. But these two things left him somewhat adrift after a family friend entrusted to keep Rob's college savings safe, spent the money Rob had depended on to get set in life. Without many options, Rob signed on to teach high school biology at his alma mater in Newark. But this endeavor quickly left him dissatisfied as he was not prepared for the limited means such teaching provided and cut short his ambitions to travel. He moved on to a job with Continental Airlines as a baggage handler in order to take advantage of the free standby flights afforded to employees. 

Rob took advantage of this perk for years as he traveled around the world, but a equipment accident led to a request for drug testing which Rob declined having been a habitual user of marijuana since the age of 14. Losing this job was a turning point for Rob as the meager means with which he had been eking out his life withered up and he became desperate for a way to make money. So he went to what he knew, selling marijuana. But with gang front lines and aggressive territory protection, Rob became an instant target. 

His death is tragic but so much more so because of how much he meant to so many people rather than a trope of wasted potential, though that is part of it too. I wonder if he had access to more social capital and a more robust system of advisement following graduation, if he would have been more able to reconcile his desires with his realities. He tried to be a protector and provider to so many, selflessly giving of his time and money even to those who never reciprocated. There is something child-like in this desire of the person Rob wanted to be and the way he tried to go about being that person. What a senseless tragedy that his life was cut so short. What a touching and moving tribute Hobbs has prepared for his friend.

4/5 Stars. 

Educated - Tara Westover

I shouldn't be surprised anymore when deeply flawed humans have children and end up being deeply flawed parents. I can usually chalk it up to doing the best we can with the gifts and faults we have and hope that kids can offer grace as they get older to realize their parents are, ultimately, human.

But then I read a book like The Glass Castle (you can read that review here), or now, Educated and I realize, yeah that's mostly true, except when it's not and parents make choices so fundamentally flawed that it's is or is almost criminal in nature. 

Neglect. Growing up in Southern Idaho, Tara and her siblings were given access to text books but no instruction to read them. Extremely mistrustful of the government and paranoid about the ramifications of being "dependent" on the government, the parents don't even apply for birth certificates for Tara and her younger siblings. From an early age, the children are expected to assist their father in the junkyard at the base of the property. Metal scrapping in dangerous conditions thanks to their father's love of shortcuts and eschewing of safety precautions, many of the children are deeply injured. Any decision to work elsewhere is seen as a betrayal of the family. 

So when Tara decides she wants more in terms of education, she has to figure it all out herself. She takes the ACT and fakes her way into BYU claiming she completed "home school". The first year is a rough education for Tara who was unaware even of what the word "Holocaust" meant. And she comes to realize some of the deeply troubling beliefs held by her father and the pervasive racism it engenders at home. 

Tara manages to go on and graduate from BYU with a prestigious Gates Scholarship to Cambridge University in England. And she does this all while trying to inform her parents that her older brother was physically and emotionally abusive toward her. Her parents refuse to acknowledge this truth and a rift forms. It's troubling and upsetting and even today far from over. 

There's something about a memoir that really reaches into the shared humanity of us all and life can sometimes be stranger than fiction. I wish Tara the best and hope she continues on a path of healing.

4.5/5

Becoming - Michelle Obama

"... sameness breeds more sameness, until you make a thoughtful effort to counteract it."

What can I possibly say about Michelle Obama that hasn't been said before? Becoming is the telling of her story - well known to those who care to know it. She grew up on the lower end of middle class on Chicago's south side, in a neighborhood on a downward slide amid white flight to the suburbs. She was supported by two loving parents who pushed hard for her education and was accepted at the Whitney Young Magnet School in downtown Chicago. From there she went to Princeton, a school at which high school counselor had told her she did not belong. Then she continued on to Harvard Law School, accepted off the wait list. From there she was hired as an associate at Sidley Austin, a large law firm in Chicago and where she met summer associate, Barack Obama, serving as his advisor at the firm. 

Michelle grew tired of the law firm grind, wanting to do more with her life. She left there for a job at the City, working with Valerie Jarrett. Then on to a non-profit creating mentoring programs for young underprivileged people - connecting young people with promise, but not opportunity - with non-profits in need of talent and tenacity. By the time her husband was a United States Senator, Michelle was working as an executive at the University of Chicago Medical Center. Her mission? Helping the Medical Center and University make an impact in the south side neighborhood where it provided little opportunity and no tax base for the surrounding citizens. 

I'm aware of the things that are said about Michelle. That she only cares about money. If that was the case she could have stayed as a high-powered Sidley attorney making a hefty mid-six figure summary. That she hates America. Which in itself is a ridiculous thing to throw at someone, but in any case, would a person who hates this country give so much back to it? Focus signature programs and dedicate her professional life prior to becoming a public figure to bettering America's most needy communities? 

This well-educated, eloquent, smart, funny, deep, and thoughtful human being made her signature policy in the White House a focus on the growing childhood obesity epidemic and ways to combat that through exercise and nutrition. That's right. She asked parents, schools, restaurants, manufacturers, and corporations to make better decisions for children's health.

And people hate her for it.

I don't know how she could have put up with it. I don't know why anyone would want to. But she did. And she opened the White House up to vast numbers of "regular" Americans. She visited wounded service members at Walter Reed Medical Center. She gave commencement speeches at universities and high schools who could hardly believe their fortune in snagging such a high profile speaker. 

She cared about all Americans. Black Americans. Brown Americans. Poor Americans. Veterans. Groups that are marginalized and overlooked. She noted where our country, through policy, negligence, malice, or ignorance, failed these groups.

And people hate her for it. 

So yeah, I know she doesn't need my defense. Because Michelle is doing just fine on her own. But sometimes I look at the headlines and the vitriol spewed in the comments section of social media (I know, I know, I need to not read them) and I think about whether I am doing enough to reflect the country as I think it is or could be. And in that I feel a real kinship with Michelle Obama and the causes she's committed her life to and the way she's chosen to live her life. 

The question is: “Do we settle for the world as it is, or do we work for the world as it should be?”

5/5 Stars. 

Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis - J.D. Vance

"There's something powerful about realizing that you've undersold yourself. That somehow your mind confused effort for a lack of ability." - JD Vance, Hillbilly Elegy

Now compare that with this:

"Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result. It's vulnerability that breeds with self-doubt and then is escalated, often deliberately, by fear." - Michelle Obama, Becoming

It's not lost on me that I was reading both of these books at the same time and finding raw similarities with the struggles and experiences of Michelle Obama and JD Vance. It's interesting actually, how much in common poor white working class neighborhoods have in common with poor minority urban neighborhoods. This is something that was not lost on Vance, who says while he was in high school and college, would read books and studies on the problems of people living below the poverty line. And even though the books and studies focused on urban areas and struggles, he recognized and identified those issues even in his own life and community. That these two people, JD Vance and Michelle Obama, could grow up in under served and underrepresented neighborhoods, advance to Ivy League law schools (Yale and Harvard respectively) and come out with such divergent politics to solve the problems they identified in their communities is an interesting look at American politics and likely the role of race in modern America.

I was really intrigued reading Hillbilly Elegy. Let's not make a mistake in thinking that JD Vance is writing a book aimed at analyzing or solving the problems of white working class America. This is first and foremost a memoir. It seeks firstly to tell the story of JD Vance and his family. The struggles they endured and the legacy issues passed down for generations in his family. He struggled, he survived, he got out, and he was lucky. And he knows it. And there's something satisfying about that because he did work hard but he only knew what he knew. 

Unable to wade through the confusing and never ending trail of paperwork required to receive tuition assistance, Vance joined the Marine Corps and came out four years later smarter and more equipped to tackle the enrollment challenges of a four-year college. He also came out with a wider network of experience through support from his Marine Corps family. It really cannot be stressed enough that we don't know what we don't know and sometimes those barriers are the most important ones for people trying to rise up out of a terrible situation and cycle of poverty. 

Vance says, "Social capital isn't manifest only in someone connecting you to a friend or passing a resume on to an old boss. It is also, or perhaps primarily, a measure of how much we learn from our friends, colleagues, and mentors." The raw truth is that people who live in communities stuck in cycles of poverty, violence, drug abuse, etc. have very little social capital to make a change for themselves. And then are blamed for not taking advantage of opportunities they couldn't even begin to comprehend existed for them. 

I grew up only 18 miles from JD Vance's childhood hometown of Middletown, Ohio. I too referred to it as Middle-tucky. A derogatory term meant to express the lack of education or "sophistication" of the inhabitants. (What can I say, kids are assholes). And I know precisely the kind of lethargy surrounding communities that see no possibility of getting ahead, and so just stop trying. I don't have the answers on how to fix that, and neither does Vance. He's not a sociologist, psychologist, urban planner, community organizer, or any of those things. He's a guy with a story.

Downtown Middletown Ohio via drone. via: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qAzcuEZGOc

I can see why the media took this story and tried to make it out to be some kind of insight to the Trump Train mentality. I get it. I see the people he describes as left behind. He talks explicitly at having sympathy for them, but also does not excuse their own behavior which contributes to their plight. But this book is not an explanation of the Trump phenomenon. It can't be. It's one man's story of his childhood trauma and struggles. And he makes no attempt to make that broader leap. 

That Vance was criticized by the both right and left for some of the things said in his story is not surprising there's plenty for both here to get dug in about. But I prefer to just look at this as one man's story. And I prefer to just take that as it is and offer him the simple respect of accepting his truth as he tells it. He's the one that lived it in any case. I owe him that much. That's as much as we owe each other at least.

3 3/4 Stars.