For Better and Worse - Margot Hunt

I'm not sure why people still think they can plan and complete the perfect murder. Listen, I realize the murder clearance rate in our country hovers just under 60%. Wait, that's pretty bad (that's actually really bad, but is a story for another book). But usually, the people who are committing and getting away with murder are somehow involved in the criminal enterprise. But this whole, let's commit the perfect murder thing goes all the way back to Leopold and Loeb and look where it got them.

You know who doesn't get away with murder? White collar suburban intellectuals who think they can PLAN the perfect murder. Because if you don't have the background to either not care about getting caught, or live in an environment where people who could help you get caught don't care about communicating their knowledge to authorities, you're likely going to get caught.

So this is one reason why I had very little doubt that Natalie Clark, a criminal defense attorney, was going to get caught. She thought she was smarter than everyone else, and as I saw her plan out the various aspects of "the perfect murder" she casually looked over all the loose ends she was leaving and believed no one would weaver them together.

The broader aspects of what could drive a suburban mother committed to defending those accused of misdeeds to take another person's life are lost in the shuffle of the plot here and the book would have been better served to delve into these aspects a bit. Otherwise it reads like a thriller which is quick on page turning, but left me feeling like I'd consumed a lot of empty book calories.

I initially didn't like the way this one ended because (so what this lady is just like a serial killer now?) but then I got over myself and allowed myself to just enjoy the ridiculousness of this final note.

3/5 Stars. 

Committed - Elizabeth Gilbert

I must be the one person who has not read Eat, Pray, Love, but I follow Elizabeth Gilbert on social media and I have found her thoughtful and compassionate. And I really felt her pain when her partner Rayya passed away last year. So when I received Committed I was first confused about the topic of the book being her hesitancy to marry her second husband and her doubts about the institution of marriage.

I have to say, knowing that the marriage she was so hopeful for does not work out was a bit of a downer but Gilbert has such a great narrative voice that I couldn't help but get caught up in her story. And also, the background she provides about marriage and the ways it has evolved throughout history and cultures was very fascinating.

Each marriage is unique and Gilbert readily admits she is no expert. This is essentially a self reflection on whether she should enter an institution she does not trust and has believed herself to be bad at. The level of honesty with which she approaches her analysis shows a lot of maturity that I honestly don't think I could muster - or at least I would not be brave enough to put it out into the world.

I know a lot of people just don't relate to Liz Gilbert. But a memoir can't speak to everyone and she's not trying to be something she's not, which is painfully obvious in this book. While this wasn't my favorite book of 2019, I appreciate Gilbert's writing style and her honesty.

3/5 Stars.

An American Marriage - Tayari Jones

A few things about me. I'm a Libra. I like balance. I like when everyone gets along. I want people in love to stay in love. I want people who fall out of love to consciously uncouple. I like to pick sides. I like when the side I pick is right and honest and fair. I like to root for someone. I want the person I root for to be worthy or principled. So in comes this book and it made me deeply uncomfortable because I couldn't fall into the patterns I like.

Roy and Celestial are married. They had a rocky romance and have had a rocky first year of marriage. On their anniversary, they visit a local hotel where Roy's mother worked when she was pregnant with Roy. He intends to tell Celestial that his father, Big Roy, is his father in love and name, but not in blood. And Celestial, who is feeling out of place with Roy's intense mother, is not having it. So they get in a fight. And then they make up. But when another guest at the hotel is raped, Roy is blamed and gets sentenced to jail.

The next few chapters are told through letters back and forth between Celestial and Roy, in which we see their marriage start to break down under the strain of their circumstance. By the time Roy's mother dies, Celestial is certain she doesn't want to be an inmate's wife anymore, and her childhood friend, Andre, becomes more than a friend. When Celestial tells Roy she can no longer be his wife, Roy gives her the cold shoulder.

Two years later, Celestial's wealthy parents have continued to fund Roy's appeals which are successful and Roy is released from prison. Having not spoken to Celestial in two years, he doesn't know where their marriage stands. Boo Celestial, she's left him behind and moved on with the next warm man, not staying true to her husband even though he encouraged and inspired the work that has made her so successful. I'm team Roy all the way at this point. Until.... dammit Roy, he gets released and spends two days in the bed of a local woman. THEN he goes to his wife.

And while he's driving to Celestial, we learn that he wasn't faithful to her during their first year of marriage. Well NOW I'm team Celestial because Roy is a dog. And Andre... well I see him as a usurper, until he asks, "Don't I deserve to be happy?" You know, people asking honest questions is hard to fight. So now we have a very messy triangle, which is not a triangle at all but a circle of Celestial and Andre with Roy on the outside. I do feel bad for Roy. His entire life has been thrown off track and messed up. And for what?

Ultimately the book asks big questions about how we move on and make something of our circumstances, as unfair as they are, and what we do with the expectations of the older generations. There is enough unfairness to go around in this book that everyone gets sprinkled. I thought it was well written and I listened to the audio and I really enjoyed the narrators.

4/5 Stars. 

Black and Blue - Anna Quindlen

October is apparently Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I was unaware, but I'm glad I did read this book and the light it shines on issues of domestic violence. I think Anna Quindlen used a soft hand in presenting Fran Benedetto and the issue of domestic violence in that she never appears to judge Fran or her reasons for staying. She details Fran's decision to stay with her abusive husband in numerous ways letting the conclusions fall where they may. And it presents a pretty bleak picture of the options for women in that situation.

When I was younger and thought myself much smarter, I would have been one to ask why a woman would stay with an abusive husband. Now that I'm older and have children of my own, I can see what would leave a woman feeling she had no options. And I appreciate Quindlen's slow evolution of those facts over the life of the novel.

Once Fran and her son, Robert are safely aware from Bobby and living in Florida under assumed names, the narrative started to drag a little but there was always a sinister undercurrent of when would Bobby catch up with them, because I never had any doubt this would occur. But what made the novel fall a little flat for me was the ending and how it seemed to all happen due to some decisions made by Fran which she felt were empowering, but really led to placing herself and her son in danger. Would Bobby ever hurt Robert - no I don't think so. But would Bobby's influence over Robert be equally destructive? Yes.

Additionally, I know I'm not supposed to feel sympathy for the abuser, and I do not, but he's painted as a clear psychopath in the book despite a supposed evolution into violence over time.

A chilling read that really delves into the nuances of domestic violence and its aftermath, Black and Blue was a well written, if somewhat flat story.

3/5 Stars. 

A Woman is No Man - Etaf Rum

This book.

Cycles and cycles of cultural violence. Generational violence.

From Fareeda, to Isra, to Deya. What does it take to break a cycle? What does it mean to break a cycle?

And so many things are broken in this novel. Hearts and bodies and minds.

Etaf Rum absolutely slays in A Woman is No Man. She gives voice to the stifling and suffocating effect of generational and cultural expectations.

Told through varying points of view first from Isra, then her daughter Deya and finally from Deya's paternal grandmother Fareeda, we see how an original violence experienced by Fareeda, expelled from her home and homeland in Palestine, learns to live under the harshest of conditions. Tragedy leads her to dig into the cultural belief that daughters are a burden and sons are to be celebrated.

In devaluing the worth of daughters and women, Fareeda sets the conditions for her son Adam to be brutally cruel to his new wife, Isra. When Isra and Adam are dead, Deya must grow up under Fareeda's rule, constantly being reminded that as a girl, she has little worth.

This book is about Deya finding her voice and reclaiming her worth. The cost is heavy to break the cycle of violence in her family. But if not Deya, then who? Deya's struggle comes from someone within the culture (not from a whiteness-centered point of view), straining against the restraints of expectation. Underneath is an abiding love which causes her to consider all the ramifications of seeking her own path.

A Woman is No Man leaves a lot of questions unanswered - gives characters grace they may not deserve, but is up to the reader to decide to what extent it is given. It is perfectly drawn and perfectly imprecise. A real heartbreaker of a book.

4/5 Stars.

Love Wins: The Lovers and Lawyers Who Fought the Landmark Case for Marriage Equality - Debbie Cenziper, Jim Obergefell

There's a few things that I love the come together in Love Wins. 

1) The Law - it's not perfect but it's ours and in some respects it gives people who would otherwise be disenfranchised, power to make real and lasting change (but also see Dred Scott v. Sandford ugh). 

2) Narrative nonfiction - I love journalism that is told like a story. And this is done so well in podcasts but sometimes gets very very dry in book form. Not this one. This one was intriguing and moving and very well put together. 

3) Cincinnati - my hometown with all its warts and problems still feels special to me now that I am far away with no reason to return. 

4) LOVE - In 2004, I angrily stared at my absentee ballot from Ohio. Wondering how it was possible that a constitutional amendment proposing targeted discrimination was even considered. But it was. And it passed. The idea, the simple idea that you meet someone, you fall in love, and you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone - make a symbolic commitment - is really not that hard to understand. The fact that two people of the same sex want to do this is irrelevant to the inquiry. Or it should be. 

I didn't know John Arthur and James Obergefell's story. How they met, fell in love, and committed to each other over and over, until after the Windsor case, decided to get married, even in the midst of John's battle with ALS. Having read Every Note Played by Lisa Genova this year (read that review here), ALS is something I feel I'm more familiar with than ever before. Understanding the creeping devastation and loss it requires of its afflicted day after day. 

Most of all, the Obergefell v. Hodges is a love letter, a legacy, from James to John every day and into the annals of history. And that is beautiful.

Also, hat tip to narrator George Newbern who is an excellent audio book reader. 

4/5 Stars. 

Love and Ruin - Paula McLain

When I read The Paris Wife, I was living in Evanston, IL and had been obsessed with Hemmingway's The Sun Also Rises for some time. It was the first book I examined critically. My junior year term paper was all Lady Brett all the time. My husband and I both listened to Farewell to Arms while training for the 2010 Toronto Marathon. I have read or re-read basically everything else Hemmingway. So I was ready for The Paris Wife and I really liked McLain's voice in telling Hadley Hemmingway's story. I may have actually named by own Chicago-born daughter after Hadley. 

So I was nervous that maybe lightening wouldn't strike the Hemmingway brides twice in Love and Ruin. But thankfully, I was wrong. I really enjoyed McLain's portrayal of Marty Gellhorn. She reminded me a lot of Beryl Markham in McLain's Circling the Sun (you can read my review of CTS here). Marty, like Beryl, chafed at conventional expectations of womanhood. They both excelled in male-dominated fields. They both wanted adventure and career and to felt seen. These are all very modern aspects of my own life as a woman, but fortunately I live in a decade where having all these things and being a mother are not entirely out of the question (but also not a given). 

Marty, though madly in love with Ernest, does not want to be tied down by motherhood in a way that would limit her opportunities. It's not as if Ernest Hemmingway was going to be home with a toddler while Marty was a war correspondent. Above all else, Marty seemed to be committed to being her own true self, and there is so much to admire about that.

Ernest and Marty

The strong Marty chapters are interspersed with, what I thought were, unnecessary chapters from Ernest's third person voice. I thought this detracted from the overall story. Perhaps McLain felt Ernest was not coming along so well in the book. I was hardly ready to feel sympathy for him after his bizarre behavior with Hadley and Pauline Pfeiffer in The Paris Wife. 

I also have a bit of a weird feeling about the book because I've read a lot about Marty Gellhorn and I know that she was adamant that she not be treated as just Ernest Hemmingway's third wife. I think her phrase was about being a "footnote" in someone else's life. She was an amazing war correspondent, a novelist, and an interesting person in her own right. And, probably to Marty Gellhorn's consternation, this book ends, abruptly I'd say, right after her relationship with Ernest ends. It's a disservice to the bulk of work she performed and wrote after her divorce from Hemmingway, and the name she made for herself independently through the later decades. I would have loved to stay on the journey with her through her years in Korea and Vietnam. So I found the timeline of the book to be a bit of a betrayal to the heroine. 

Love Warrior - Glennon Doyle

Once upon a 2012, I had a baby and was overjoyed and terrified and tired and emotional and in the midst of a fog of sleep deprivation stumbled across Momastery, a blog started by Glennon Doyle Melton where everyone was encouraged to tell the truth. Life was hard. Being a new mom was hard. And on Momastery, it was okay to say all these things.

After 12 weeks of maternity leave I headed back to work as a lawyer and my Momastery friends were there when I checked back in from time to time. In 2014, we became thick as thieves again as I endured and cherished and outlasted and relished another 12 week maternity leave. But then I went back to work, and we moved and I stopped checking in with my friends. 

Last year though, when I broke off my toxic relationship with Facebook (it was bad for me honey) I was happy to find Glennon there on Instagram being Glennon. And her kind words, her fierce determination, her all encompassing love was a reminder of those spaces on Momastery where I'd once found refuge in my post-partum malaise.

Well you know what? That beautiful human, Glennon Doyle wrote a big book about herself and her messy past and her constant work and love and Love Warrior was everything I'd always hoped I could wrap up into a beautiful gift of Glennon. So it was a lovely book to read, full of those things that I really enjoyed from Matthew Kelly's Perfectly Yourself (you can read that review here). I'm wondering now, did Glennon inspire MK to write "Do the next right thing" or "You can never get enough of what you don't need"? Was I listening to G all along?

Yes it's a memoir about Glennon's life but Glennon doesn't ever just tell you about her life, she tells you the lessons she's learned, and if you're lucky enough, you can learn those lessons too, without all the pain. 

So rather than detailing Glennon's story (she really tells it the best), I'll leave you with some of my favorite Glennon nuggets from the book. 

Grief is nothing but a painful waiting, a horrible patience. Grief cannot be torn down or scaled or overcome or outsmarted. It can only be outlasted.

We need a church that will teach us about loving ourselves without shame, loving others without agenda, and loving God without fear.

Faith is not a club to belong to but a current to surrender to.

Happy reading Warriors!

5/5 Stars. 

The Senator's Wife - Sue Miller

Listen, Sue Miller is a master craftsman when it comes to character development and setting the stage for how her characters got to be the way they are. The Senator's Wife is no exception. But there was something that didn't click throughout the story for me that culminated in an ending that made me abruptly squeamish and awkward. I didn't want to keep reading, but there were only 10 pages left.

The Senator's Wife is about a newly married 30-something Meri, who moves into a duplex next to Delia, the wife of former Senator Tom Naughton. Senator Naughton was apparently a big deal in the 60s and 70s. A bootstrap kind of politician who was liberal in the mold of John Kennedy - in more ways than one. Turns out the esteemed gentleman from Connecticut has a problem with keeping his hands off women.

Delia attempts to navigate an unconventional relationship with Tom, whom she still loves and Meri attempts to navigate an pregnancy which leaves her body feeling alien and unknown to her. Are these women supposed to be friends? Will they be able to develop a good relationship? It's all very hard to do across a generational divide. Meri is looking to be mothered, and Delia has already done all that. So she's nice, but very cold too. I just didn't really get this part. Their stories alone were interesting and eventually intertwined to give us the story's climax, but otherwise these two women together just did not work for me. Ultimately earning this tale a 3-star rating.

3 Stars.

The Rosie Effect - Graeme Simsion

Thank goodness for business travel. A six hour round-trip drive to Southern Illinois where the only successful outcome was my finishing The Rosie Effect. I absolutely loved the first book of this "series", the Rosie Project (you can read that review here). While I wasn't quite as tickled with this sequel, the writing, the humor and the beloved characters are all still there. This time the stakes are a bit higher.

Don and Rosie are living in New York City. Don is a professor at Columbia University and Rosie is finishing her PhD thesis in psychology while also beginning an MD program. When Rosie gets pregnant, hilarity and misunderstanding ensue. However, as Don and Rosie have now been married for ten months, I would have expected the characters to have gotten a bit better in the communication department. However, they let self-doubt get in the way of their relationship and I did actually feel a bit of stress about the characters and what they were going through. 

In the meantime, we meet a few new friends, George, an aging rocker with a string of bad marriages and one really messed up kid; Lydia, a terribly judgmental social worker and some other new minor friends. The biggest disappointment was Rosie herself. In the first book she's likeable and moves Don in new directions. She's not perfect, but you can relate to her. In this book, she's a shell character, a plot point. She's compelling action from Don without any reciprocal understanding. 

I was outraged on Don's behalf that she would become pregnant without telling him, and then judging him on how he reacted, how he prepared, whether he felt "connected" to the baby, and then somehow deciding he wasn't going to be a good father, even though ALL evidence in the book pointed to the contrary. Don is a loyal friend, and a reasoned sensible mentor. He helps Gene's children through issues and into eventual reconciliation with their father. He's constantly doing nice things for people because he is good as solving problems logically. Rosie misses all of this, despite being the only one to see it in the first book. Cheapening out Rosie's character to somehow create dramatic tension wasn't fitting with the characters. 

Definitely not as good as the first, but then, Don is still a great character. Try not to be disappointed.

3/5 Stars

Truly, Madly, Guilty - Liane Moriarty

I liked this book slightly less than Big Little Lies (you can read that review here), mostly due to the pacing, but Liane Moriarty really does write rich, full stories, with complex characters. This one was no exception. This particular story begins with a bit of a mystery. 

We are introduced to three couples, Erica and Oliver, a stuffy, precise couple; Clementine and Sam, a fun couple which includes a female cellist and their two adorable daughters; and Vid and Tiffany, rich neighbors of E&O who also have a daughter, Dakota. The book begins with Erica and Clementine, childhood friends who have an odd competitive, complicated history and the set-up includes mentions back to some event, a barbecue that has changed the course of these characters lives. 

As we get further and further into the book the barbecue mystery deepens, takes shape, unravels, and then becomes clear again. I felt like this portion of the book took a bit too long and it seemed the author let the characters take on a bit too much - as in she allowed too many of them to have their own POV chapters that ended up feeling a bit unnecessary. So the first half of the book, first 60% really was a bit of a frustrating experience for me. While the last portion hit me on a pretty personal level, and having just finished it, is pushing me to give a 4-star rating, I have to recall again that the first part was so frustrating. 

But again, Moriarty gives us such rich characters who are complex, and rather than become caricatures of themselves, she allows their past and their parenting and their influences to shape wonderfully flawed and human portraits. It's a pleasure to think about the characters and what they are going through and have them react to situations like real people, rather than two-dimensional figures pushing forward a plot point.

3.5/5 Stars..