I'm Not Stiller - Max Frisch

This book took a long time for me to finish. And I want to start by saying I thought it was going to be part mystery. I'm not Stiller? So who are you? And where is the real Stiller. Going into the book with this mindset really hurt my early reading of the novel. 

Later, I realized the book was a detailed and thoroughly thought-provoking dissection of self-deception and self-acceptance. And this made the entire book come into focus. So reader, I'm giving you a heads up, and it's not a spoiler, it will help you frame your reading.... This guy... who insists he is NOT Stiller? He is Stiller.

So with that, read the book carefully through that lens. What Frisch does is to really tackle the idea of who we are, and how we know ourselves. Stiller is a character who has allowed others' opinions of him shape his self-perception his entire life. He is a sculpture artist whose work does not sell well because the artist who creates, but does not know himself is really unable to create anything that speaks to others. He marries a beautiful ballerina named Julika. He believes she is all goodness and that she is too good for him. This becomes in itself a self-fulfilling prophecy as he allows this perception to inform his actions and decisions. 

Julika becomes ill with tuberculosis and goes to a seaside retreat to recover. Everyone blames her worsening condition on the fact that she continued to dance professionally as Stiller had no money to provide for them both so she had to continue working. Stiller does his best then to aggravate her condition further. He's so obsessed with other people's views of himself that he becomes completely narcissistic in reflection. 

Once he realizes how hideously he's behaved, and how he doesn't even know who he really is, he disappears for six years. The book actually begins with him being spotted on a train by a random stranger who points him out, at which point Stiller is arrested and placed in jail on suspicion of involvement in a criminal conspiracy. Although, this is Swiss jail where they apparently let you have visitors and trips out for dinner. 

Once he is back he tries to convince everyone that he is indeed not Stiller, but his old friends, and Julika herself do not believe it. He believes now that he is not Stiller he is more able to really love Julika. And it becomes apparent that he wants to throw off his past as if he were never responsible for the person he was before, because how can he be someone new now if he were still Stiller? 

That to me was the best part. Because it struck me as something I've never really thought about before. About how our past can also define us and who we are. And there are many people who would say, "don't let your past define you" meaning you can change, or rise up out of your circumstances. But to some extent you are still that same person and you have to live with those actions and consequences, even when you aim to start your life anew. So  Stiller attempts to have the changed life without the baggage and guilt that comes from previous decisions and actions. 

Once he is forced to admit that he is, was and always will be, Stiller, he is released from prison and retires to the countryside with Julika where he begins making pots. But the irony is that he doesn't seem any happier than he was before. He continues to live with Julika and continues to feel shame and guilt over her condition and the life he led before. It's an interesting concept of how when we are with those from our pasts we can never truly escape who we have been. A sort of forced nostalgia which influences how we behave. 

That said, translations of material are always a bit out of sync sometimes with narrative voice. The story was overall well done and the themes were excellent. At the end though the book could probably have been about 30-40 pages shorter and everyone would have been just as happy. 

4/5 Stars